Haven't written anything for ages... but want to start doing it again...got so many ideas coming in!

Had a great conversation with a friend of mine last night. Well, it didn't start off great, but it sure ended up great. I have had an issue with him every since we met... in that he constantly interrupts me. ...sometimes after 3 words of a conversation.

We had talked about this mildly at other times, and he had always said, "yes, I know, we sort of do that in my family"...and we had laughed it off.

But this time, I could really feel that knot in my belly when someone just isn't listening...and decided to speak up more.

As often happens with such conversations, he countered by saying that I interrupted him also. One of his solutions was to video our conversation and see who interrupted the most. Even tho that's not a bad idea, it usually takes awhile before people get around to such a thing...and the very act of knowing you are being video'd , changes the way one interacts with each other...the Observer Effect.

And more pertinently...what's the outcome of such an action? Usually, to prove who is wrong.

And I didn't want to set up that dynamic.... that doesn't build connection.... which after all, is what I was asking for.

I agreed that at least 50% of the issue was mine... as in, I came from a family where I felt invisible much of the time... not so much totally ignored, but more like my authentic thoughts and feelings were not given a place.

It took awhile to convince my friend that I was not blaming him entirely but accepting responsibility for my part in the discomfort.

We then agreed that we both had the same issue...feeling not fully heard and listened to...and agreed to gently bring it to each others notice next time it happened.

I much prefer this sort of agreement...because unlike the video idea, it is about working together to help us become more aware of our actions...in real time... and hopefully without blame. This feels like a safer and more respectful and more effective solution for me.

I love having conversations like this where we work stuff out together...always makes me feel so much closer to the other person.... like wow, we've actually really connected with each other in a deep and authentic way. How totally yummy!

Exciting period in history!

HI there, my passion is Relationships...the ones we have with our Self, with Others, with Intimate Partners, with Spirit and with the Planet.

Many people feel a deep concern about the state of the world at the moment...not only environmentally and politically...but also relationally. With up to 1/3 of Relationships breaking up in Australia and up to 1/2 in the USA, things don't look too healthy on the relationship front.

Its true, we are going through a period of chaos...which according to Chaos theory, is a normal part of the process of change and evolution. How exciting to think that the old unworkable forms of relating are breaking down...and new forms beginning to emerge!!

This is the first time in over 5000 years...ie most of writtenn history...that women and men (men/men and women/women) have the chance to come together as 'equals'. A whole new basic set of skills are neded to ensure that relationships survive and prosper. The first one is the skill of Negotating.....negotiating a win-win so that both parties are happy with the outcome.

This sounds so simple, but I find in my coaching and counselling, that the majority of people find this very very difficult. We are so used to competing with each other, that treating each other as equals where we don't have to play power games, is almost unimaginable.